When you see someone eating alone, what do you see?
I visited and spoke in a middle school several years ago. After I speak in a school typically I will visit the cafeteria for lunch periods. As I was walking around from table to table and chatting with the students I noticed a girl eating alone. One of the challenges I present to students is that no one should eat alone. So to practice and model what I preach I sat down to speak and eat with her.
When I asked why she was sitting alone and she told me that she was new in the school, a 6th grader, from elementary school. It was October so she had only been in the school for about a month. I asked if she ate alone everyday and she told me she did. Trying to console her I offered that it was early in the year and all the new 6th graders were just trying to find their way. I also encouraged her that before long she would find a group to sit with. She smiled but still looked dejected and I asked her why.
She looked at me with sadness in her eyes and said that probably won’t happen for me Mr. Flood. I replied of course it will, it just takes time. She then said she never makes friends in school and gets connected with anyone because she moves all the time. She told me that she had moved six times in six years to six different schools. Now I had a sad look on my face. I thought, was one of her parents in the military where moves are required? But we were not near any military bases. So I asked her why does she move all the time. Her exact words were “My mom doesn’t think it’s safe to stay in any one place for too long so we move a lot.” I had no idea what to say. My first thought was anger at her mother, who I knew nothing about. The second thought I had was compassion and thought “what is this family running from?”
So I ask when you see someone eating alone what do you see? You won’t see someone unless you sit down and speak with them. That is when “seeing” really begins.